When your own history is handed back to you in someone else’s words. Recently, I had the experience of having my adoption records found and shared with me. It’s something I’ve known might happen at some point, but when it did, I felt an unexpected wave of emotion - not just about what was in the file, but about how the whole process unfolded. What struck me almost immediately was how little agency I had. The information was handled for me, not with me, as though I were stil

How the silence around adoption can create shame, and how connection helps it heal. For many adopted people, shame can live quietly inside us. Not because we have done anything wrong, but because somewhere along the way, we learned that parts of who we are might need to stay hidden. Adoption has often been surrounded by silence and secrecy. Files sealed, stories half-told, questions quietly discouraged. Many of us grew up sensing there were things we were not meant to ask, an

Many adoptees spend a lifetime learning how to fit in. But in the process, it’s easy to lose sight of who we truly are. This post explores the difference between fitting in and belonging, and why it matters so deeply. Part of my “Identity & Belonging” series, exploring how adoption shapes who we are and how we connect. Many of us spend much of our lives trying to fit in . We change how we speak, what we wear, or even what we share, so that others will accept us. For a while,

For many adult adoptees, birthdays can carry both celebration and grief. This post explores why the day may feel difficult and how it can be reclaimed. For many people, birthdays are a time of celebration: a day to be surrounded by love, cake, laughter, and messages from friends and family. But for some adult adoptees, birthdays can stir up a complex blend of emotions - sadness, confusion, anger, or even numbness. If this is your experience, you are not alone. For many adopte

When early attunement is missing, adoptees may learn to doubt their inner world. This post looks at how misattunement shapes identity and emotional trust. Attunement is one of the most essential building blocks of early human development but for many adult adoptees, it’s something that was missing, misunderstood, or painfully inconsistent. As a therapist and adoptee myself, I often hear clients share something that boils down to this: “I don’t know how I feel... and even if I

Adoption trauma can surface in adulthood in ways that affect relationships, self-worth, and emotional wellbeing. This post explores why it matters and how therapy can help. Sometimes the impact of adoption shows up in quiet, unexpected ways: a fear of being left, a feeling of not quite belonging, or a deep uncertainty about who you are. For many adult adoptees, these threads trace back to something often called adoption trauma . It is not always visible, but it can shape the

Many adoptees grow up hearing “you were chosen”. This post explores what those words really mean and how they can shape identity and belonging “You were chosen.” This is a phrase many adoptees have heard. It is almost always spoken with the intention of kindness and love. It’s meant to reassure, to soothe and to be a comforting story offered to children trying to make sense of why they ended up in a different family. And for some, this story works for a while. There can be wa

Many adoptees grapple with questions of identity and belonging. This post reflects on why adoption can create confusion and how these feelings can be explored in therapy. Part of my “Identity & Belonging” series, exploring how adoption shapes who we are and how we connect. Who am I really? Where do I come from? What parts of me are nature, and what parts are nurture? If you’ve ever found yourself circling these questions, you’re not alone. Many adoptees describe living with a

Choosing the right therapist is an important step for adoptees. This post offers key considerations for finding support in the UK. Finding the right therapist can feel daunting, and for adoptees there may be extra considerations. Trust, safety, and understanding of adoption’s lifelong impact all matter. This post explores what adoptees might want to look for when seeking a therapist in the UK. Being an adoptee comes with a unique set of experiences and navigating life as some