Understanding Adoption Trauma in Adulthood: Why It Matters and How Therapy Can Help
- Lynn Earnshaw
- Jul 19
- 3 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
Welcome — I’m Lynn Earnshaw, a relational counsellor supporting adult adoptees across the UK. Through my practice, Lynn Earnshaw Counselling, I offer a compassionate and attuned space to explore themes such as adoption trauma, identity, and self-worth. In this post, I’ll be reflecting on adoption trauma.
Adoption trauma affects many adult adoptees, often in unseen ways. Learn how fear of abandonment and early loss shape identity—and how therapy can support healing.
All Adoption Involves Trauma
Adoption is often spoken about in terms of love, rescue, or a second chance—but that narrative rarely tells the whole story.
What’s less acknowledged is that all adoption begins with a profound loss: the loss of a first mother, a first family, and often, a first identity. No matter how loving an adoptive home might be, adoption itself involves separation trauma, and for many adult adoptees, this early rupture continues to echo across a lifetime.
This trauma doesn’t always look like a dramatic event. It can be subtle, even invisible to others. But its effects run deep—impacting relationships, sense of self, and emotional regulation.
What Is Adoption Trauma?
Adoption trauma refers to the psychological and emotional impact of early separation from a birth parent. Even in cases of infant adoption, where the adoptee has no conscious memory of the event, the body and nervous system often carry the imprint of loss.
Many adult adoptees describe feeling:
An ongoing fear of abandonment
Difficulty trusting others
Struggles with identity or belonging (I've written more on identity confusion here)
A sense of not being “enough”
Conflicted feelings about adoption itself
These aren't signs of weakness—they’re natural responses to early, unresolved grief.
Fear of Abandonment: A Common Thread
One of the most persistent themes in adoption trauma is fear of abandonment. For many adoptees, the first experience of being separated from their biological mother creates a deep-rooted belief: "People who love me might leave."
This fear can show up in adult life as:
Avoiding emotional closeness
Becoming overly independent or self-reliant
Feeling anxious or insecure in relationships
Being hyper-alert to signs of rejection
Even if these patterns are confusing or seem out of place, they often make perfect sense when viewed through the lens of early loss.
Another layer of adoption trauma can be the quiet impact of misattunement — those early experiences of not quite being met. You can read more about this here.
How Therapy Can Support Adult Adoptees
Therapy can offer a space to explore your story—not just the one you were told, but the one you are still discovering.
Working with a therapist who understands adoption-related trauma can help you:
Process early grief and make sense of complicated feelings
Identify patterns linked to abandonment or loss
Strengthen your sense of identity beyond the adoptee label
Build emotional safety in relationships
Develop self-compassion, especially around triggers or shame
This work can feel emotional, and sometimes even painful. But it can also be liberating—an opportunity to reconnect with yourself in a deeper, more grounded way.
Finding the Right Support
If you're an adult adoptee in the UK looking for support, you're not alone—and you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
As a UK-based counsellor specialising in work with adopted adults, I offer a calm, confidential space to explore what adoption means for you. Whether you’re only just beginning to ask questions, or you’ve been carrying the weight of this for years, therapy can support your healing at your own pace. You can find out more about how I work here.
You deserve to be heard—not just as someone who was adopted, but as someone with a rich, complex inner world shaped by your unique story.
To learn more about me and my practice, you’re welcome to visit Lynn Earnshaw Counselling.